Monday, December 27, 2010

New Post in a long while

It's been a while since I've written in my blog, but I wanted to get one more entry in before the new year. A lot has changed in my life since I last wrote. I am about 3/4 of the way through getting the rough draft done of Belle Starr. I have fallen off the the weight wagon, but I have even more incentive to get back on because I was proposed to Christmas Day by my boyfriend, now fiance. 
I never ever wanted to become one of those girls. "I gotta lose weight before the wedding!" It's a hard line to walk because, yes of course I want to feel and look good on my wedding day. But I don't want to do it for anyone else but me. Is that possible now that two people are becoming one, I don't know, entity together? It's not just about him or just about me anymore, it's US. That's a concept I've still got to get used to.   
We're looking at houses and I start my job at the college at the end of January, so I think 2011 is going to be a great year for us both. It's like a whole world of adult-hood that seems so foreign to me, a level I've never reached before and it makes me feel like my life isn't really my life.
So much of my life has been spent alone: from eating alone at recess in grade school to living in the Big City in an apartment, going to grad school with no support and nothing to come home to. And now that's changed and it's weird to think that life has gone, that chapter closed, and something else is in its place. But I've never forgotten for a moment who that girl was, and I feel like forgetting her would diminish the pain and loneliness she went through for a decade before meeting someone who put an end to that. And then I started thinking about the circle of life thing, how this is another turn of the wheel, and I'm stepping into a new level. Doesn't mean I'm changed fundamentally as a person, but it DOES change a person. And I'm so ready for good news, and good changes. 
So I'm going to think about what I want to do and where I want to go with this blog, my relationship with food, my fiance, my body and my writing and not necessarily all in that order. 

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