Tuesday, April 7, 2015

A to Z Blog Challenge "G" A Game of Chess

A Game of Chess

He tried to teach me chess for awhile
Before he gave up on the game and me
But, o, that need to teach is still there.
So strong, such a pull to instruct
To shape, to mold. I’d rather
Shove you off a cliff and just drop you somewhere.
The map was to some unknown place
Crumpled up on your dresser like dollar bills
Your leaving me was circled three or four times in red ink,
Miles inked in the margins, calculated gas costs
Because you’re very algebraic
You categorize everything
Label everything.
Turning away I heard
A phone ringing somewhere 
Calling from the place you would eventually land.
Your eyes were weird and electric over the gameboard
Don’t you eyeball me.
But because I live here I learned some things like
I’m a backward pawn.
No support, no chance for advancement.
Like the rain that evaporates before hitting the ground here
The pleasure has gone before I could even feel it because
My Knight is dying as a result of the counter attack so I felt bad
Because he died on my behalf.
I was responsible for this lost life.
I take things really personally,
My thoughts hot and churning under my head
Like lava beneath the earth.

It wasn’t me, I’m the Queen
But you’d quickly offer me for a pawn, let me die on the front lines
Sitting and admiring this story
I just wrote
what I was thinking which was
Life is like chess because everyone else knows how to play
And I don’t.
Everyone’s smarter.
Like you could have picked up a phone, you know
Dropped a dime, pretended to care at least.
Instead you had turned me into a hypermodern woman,
I’ll go multiple directions at once
I always have to take initiative and respond to your threats
The stain above your bed is the
The color of coffee, the shape of the ocean that is the Sargasso
Constantly we engage in this kriegspiel
Which is why we do it of course.
Kriegspiel for kriegspiel’s sake.
Yeah, we’re that lucky
I mean talk about irony
And I mean I left you an opening and you didn’t take it
Out back the dream dumpster meets the heartbreaker
I owe half my life to these measurements.
He said take a break, will you?
And he found your dreams on my lips
So embarrassing I was hanging on to it
So tightly my knuckles turned white
That is my life closing here.
Turn and step right behind the locked door
Quieter than your cat swishing his tail on the windowsill
Where I pressed my face and listened,
There’s nothing keeping me here, you said
To whoever that was inside the red circle on the map.
Dream are a need
Just a slip inside your mind like a
Letter under the door in secret code
These interactions in an apartment
Worn together just out of habit,
I have to lose anyway, I must lose, its called
And she picks up the gameboard where I threw it
After you left, slumped in the corner
So dusty even
The cats won’t touch it.
And cobwebs grew on it, but I couldn’t throw it away
And the black and whites scattered and lost
She was lucky I found the pieces for her.

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