Monday, April 6, 2015

A to Z Challenge Day 6 "F"

Today is Day 6 and I'm on the letter "F". For this prompt from The Waste Land I chose one of the most used lines: "I will show you fear in a handful of dust."

This is why I love writing so much, I can't wait to see what will happen or who will show up, or what characters will walk through or what story from my life I'll connect it to. Sometimes it's a surprise. 

A)    Fear in a handful of dust
Sagebrush sometimes becomes the smoke
Drifting from campfires at night
Making shapes on the cave wall
Or maybe under the bridge of this city.
I would for her become a
Teenager again, try it all again.
Your skin, love, I could trace and touch all day.
Made the girl half sleeping on me
And love like a leash between us two
The leash could be a wish and I wanted you
Like a new sundress
Drifting on the line in the backyard
Brave like the time I paid you
To be a boy for a night.
Not just a boy, my boi.
She be a boy, the guy on the corner said
Covering his teeth with his hand as he laughed
She be a boy! He crowed.
He’s a she, that’s right, she’s a chick
She be brave.
And the man was actually Baron Samedi
(He had wicked teeth, it gave him away)
And this was a fairytale adventure
And he had this magic dust he kept in his pocket.
Which we traded for.
Before with you
That was what I was doing that winter
I was Viola,
Being a boy as a disguise
Oh its just a little lie
Didn’t stop even when she went home and
The play was over
Hit the bed at a dead run.
Since the month you made me regret everything.  
Would you in some stranger’s bedrooms realize
I can see your palms running across someone else’s skin.
Your goal was to be as big as Texas and slinky as Samedi’s smile
Who came home dancing like he always does.
Those who inspire fear hardly ever fear anything themselves.
You buy her nightclubs
Hit the wall and for a week afterward she became a ghost
Retreating in solitude.
Now there are 10 cast off lovers lined up like coffins
Because she never cleans up after herself
But you still get to have a friend and still be
Be dusty and alone, what’s not to like about that?
Have lovers like
The gypsy-girl on the futon, her skirt reflecting the afternoon light
Hiked up across her thighs.
Braided and blond she
Invites the jealous lover over
Sleeping and dancing and taking dust
All of it, it’s all I have and I always have to pay
But I keep her happy
Eating all my food and taking endless baths
Candle wax ringing the rub like rust.
Like you were never lied to
Spray painted her name on the side of a building somewhere
If I could remember where I’d tell you.
But if I hear you right
You waited for years
But for that, and what else, you’re against your own mind
We’re always at war with ourselves.
Imagine I was brave
Before the needy winter hit me with its dry laugh.
I was both heavy and floating on the last of the dust
Behind the exit where we missed the motel and
the desert glow in the parking lot still baking us after the sun went down
Like a girl you’re a moon which is a different kind of desert
And always changing.
But she left me by the stop sign,
Like some trash to find my own way home and I was broke.
Had to call the gypsy to pick me up and buy me cigarettes, my consolation prize
(a giant slurpee too)
The heat will destroy you.
I needed the sugar, she said don’t worry about it.
She speaks to ghosts through her cards, and says
The Devil will come up again
Open eyed and curious.

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So cold

I have never been this cold before, inside and out. It's hard to think, it's hard to process a thought. There's no physical heat...